The sound of silence is the easy way to approach the human struggle with sexuality. Churches can create an atmosphere that it is soul-healing to talk about everything else, but not about “that.” Many congregations are saying by this attitude that church is not a safe place to talk about our sexual selves.
Fear and shame heads up the reasons church leaders act out of knowing nothing to do.
During our Spiritual Visionquests for Joy, we run into many roadblocks. One would think church people would eagerly ask for help to bring the light of the gospel of grace and love. In my experience, they will not be open to it. In churches of almost every denomination, I have led Family Life retreats or conferences on family issues. Some ask me to come back every year. Issues such as finances, communication, fidelity, self-esteem, raising children or stress reduction, or the hurtful consequences of adultery or abuse. Sexuality is still a taboo subject.
Yet there is no marriage without sexual intercourse. Marriage became a sacrament in the teaching of early churches. Partners were fully married while they were still virgins. In our marriage ceremony, we vow spiritual sexual intimacy.
The silence of the church is crippling family life. As Genesis 4:7 declares, “Sin is crouching at the door and its desire is to have you.” People are starving for love, for comfort, for relief, and happiness and times of joy in living as a sexual self.
As you look at the people coming to worship, more than you can realize are struggling with routine and stress. Adult videos, internet, movies and dating or match-making sights are enabling sexual desires and frustrations, offering relief from loneliness, and personal struggles.
James McReynolds is a preacher, teacher, author, coach, and retreat leader who shares the joy of the Lord. He is an ordained minister in the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ). He lives in Elmwood, Nebraska.